I hate your face
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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