When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They have beer where we have blood.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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