this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Princesses don't give blow jobs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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