Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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