Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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