Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
