Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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