I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Walk of Shame today included voting.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs