i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.