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'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
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