It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom