you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY