Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now

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(248): I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now http://tfl.nu/naz7

Replies (3) Good night (3186) Bad night (808)
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(212): View more from New York

so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

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(212): so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to." http://tfl.nu/pyn2

Replies (16) Good night (682) Bad night (1479)
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(301): View more from Maryland

i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...

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(301): i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty... http://tfl.nu/gk7p

Replies (23) Good night (4923) Bad night (920)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

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(908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie

Replies (4) Good night (5345) Bad night (1124)
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(224): View more from Illinois

woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training

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(224): woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training http://tfl.nu/euvl

Replies (10) Good night (4498) Bad night (884)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.

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(267): i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man. http://tfl.nu/8n1a

Replies (3) Good night (1494) Bad night (691)
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(815): View more from Illinois

My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy

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(815): My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy http://tfl.nu/f1hz

Replies (10) Good night (1574) Bad night (567)
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(812): View more from Indiana

An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.

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(812): An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw. http://tfl.nu/0rhv

Replies (2) Good night (1048) Bad night (491)
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(850): View more from Florida

Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?

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(850): Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes? http://tfl.nu/yaod

Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (384)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.

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(505): He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink. http://tfl.nu/5ult

Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (467)
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(314): View more from Missouri

shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help

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(314): shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help http://tfl.nu/q76e

Replies (6) Good night (1621) Bad night (626)
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(917): View more from New York City

No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life

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(917): No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life http://tfl.nu/p0nl

Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (874)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.

(1-905): View more from Ontario

Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.

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(905): I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th. (1-905): Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/74vi

Replies (5) Good night (516) Bad night (399)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend

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(610): I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend http://tfl.nu/i89p

Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (673)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.

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(913): Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list. http://tfl.nu/qsv4

Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (304)

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