YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
