also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
