She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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