What did we do last night that was yellow?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
