You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
