Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
