Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
