At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
