When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
