im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
