we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
