Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im holly from the hills drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you never un-have a 4some
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
