I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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