so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
