If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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