I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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