My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
