And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
