She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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