This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
