i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
