There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
