im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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