I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
