Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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