The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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