You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
