Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
