don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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