I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
