i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize