i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
