I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
