D3 body, D1 cock
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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