garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I AM VODKA MAN
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
