mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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