Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead

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(203): View more from Connecticut

sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.

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(813): View more from Florida

Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."

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(469): View more from Texas

I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...

(1-910): View more from North Carolina

Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.

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