my being single is dangerous.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
