someone threw a dead crab at me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
