My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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