There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
