do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
