Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
