omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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