I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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