If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
soo... how was my night?
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